MINA DIARIES: on ikigai
They say there are moments that define us, but I think that notion is too, well, definite. I don’t like to put myself or other people in boxes. I believe we are all transient and ever-changing beings. To define ourselves and others, while convenient in some ways, also falls into the trap of compartmentalizing us and limiting our perceptions. If moments defined us, we’d be always happy, always sad, always loyal or disloyal or calm or edgy or whatever a situation brought out in us. Instead, our emotions, behaviors and thoughts are dynamic and not static, just like us. So, I think it’s more accurate to say there are moments that illuminate aspects of ourselves.
That said, I can think of several moments of my own life that have unexpectedly illuminated aspects of myself and my hopes, my dreams.
I used to live in Hawaii and work in a bamboo shop. Locals and tourists poured in daily, each looking for very different things: bamboo for their homes, for their fences and walls or for decoration; or bamboo trinkets to take home and put on their mantels and remember their lovely trips.
There were all kinds of customers. There were fun ones, happy ones, sad ones because it was raining on their vacation, curious ones, frustrated ones because their bamboo had warped due to water damage, excited ones because they’d just moved to the island and were redecorating. There were wild ones too, sometimes, wild in fun ways and others wild in ways that made me not want to be alone with them at night.
And there was one that came in one evening at a quarter to eight, fifteen minutes before closing time, and announced she’d need many things and that I would have to stay open quite late to accommodate her.
“Of course,” I said with my usual pleasant smile.
That was my illuminating moment: me saying “Of course.” Because I meant genuinely the of course, and I was happy to accommodate her. I had worked for years in luxury resort spas where I catered to all sorts of whims pleasantly and it had become rote for me. But not just rote, it even had given me a sense of purpose, this making people feel special and fulfilling their needs for the brief time they entered my life, having them leave feeling like royalty just for a little while. Because for so many of us in the work of our everyday lives we are not usually treated to this. We are doing practical things, we are doing our routines, we are taking care of our families and our children and even our friends, and for just a little while we should all get that feeling of being special.
When I was young I had a boyfriend who was from the Philippines. He had come to America when he was seven. He had explained to me that in their culture service jobs were sought after, that they took these jobs very seriously and served their customers and clients with a sense of solemn loyalty. I didn’t see anything like that in him. I supposed it was because he was more Americanized, but he claimed it was because he was lazy. Anyway, I witnessed this sort of solemn loyalty when I worked at the Black Falcon Cruise Terminal in Boston. I would greet the people coming off the cruise ship and hand them maps of Boston. A few times I got to even set foot on the cruise ships and saw the crew in action. They did indeed have a solemn loyalty in their service positions. You could see in their eyes the respect they had for the jobs they were tasked with, how they took pride in the service they rendered. And I thought, Yes, I am like them in this way. It is about respect not just for the people you serve, but for the duty you have undertaken.
That was my second related illuminating experience. My third was when I joined ancestry.com and explored the origins of my mostly English and Greek heritage. On my English side, my 10th great grandmother had been Lady Ann Parr. While serving in parliament, she also remained a loyal lady-in-waiting to all six Queens of King Henry VIII. And I thought, Yes, that completely makes sense. Great Grandma Ann is my soul sister.
For these reasons, when I was sitting in a bare little office space envisioning it filled with all my favorite spa things, it came to me that the name of this place should be Bella Mina.
“Bella Mina” means “beautiful royalty” in Greek and of course, that’s what I envision all my clients to be. That’s how they should feel when they’re here, and that’s how I would regard them and my hope would be that the feeling would linger with them for as long as possible after they leave.
To me, this is what elevates something from a profession to a passion and a purpose. This is what the Japanese mean when they speak of “ikigai,” where your abilities and your purpose intersect. When you find your ikigai, whatever capacity in which you serve your community brings you joy and fills your life with meaning. That is what Bella Mina means to me, my dear beautiful royalties, and I hope that my purpose that brings me happiness and contentment awakens the same feeling for you.
